well, been almost 8 month now since i saw roby. still talk to him through email...not really anything big. he's pretty much told me a time or two he loves me, BUT...if he hd to choose between what he's doing and things and making time or me i'd be last picked. so why do i just hang around? because i love him, he did say that in a year or two things may change. because i don't want to go through the same shit i went through 30 years ago, the hurt, the anger, the crying night after night. i don't know what i should do. he tells me he wnts me up there, then he says no he doesn't. i ask him point blank where do we stand, he comes up with some excuse about all this crap. when he was here one time i was asking him somethings about us and he kind of got upset like a child and started to walk out. i don't want to be hurt again and i don't want to hurt him. amazing i didn't feel like this when i left my husband, he was a rebound i guess. lolol
oh well, i can worry on that like everything else later. doc put me on zanaflex and took me off of soma. oh lawd zanaflex is like baccolafen (sp) does nothing but make me sleepy and itch. i wake up everynight from pain in my back and knees, and this is with an ambien. i usually wind up staying awake for an hour or 2 then sleep after britt's van leaves for an hour. i guess i'll have to go back to ortho which i really don't want to do, he was talking about knee replacement last i was there. i like my old knee. either that or get him to give me cortisone shots in the knee and bad shoulder, they never last long though.
saying lots of prayers for the many people who lost everything to the floods and rains the past few days here in louisiana.
britt's been at the ARC for 6 months, 5 months of it 5 days a week. the boyfrined thing has settled down a bit...not a big thing of 'i want to get married now'...safe for now there. she's enjoying the working and the small amount of money she gets. now to convince her 'not' to spend it all in one day.
i just feel like my life is such a mess. again. who knows how things will turn out. maybe i'll just walk away from everything. as far as i could walk at least. probably shouldn't even have posted this. later
Add Me Over 50
- yep, still hanging around, not that anyone cares....